If you want to become physically strong, you go to the gym and lift weights. But you also have to give up bad habits like eating junk food.

Mental strength is the same. If you want to be mentally strong, you need to practice gratitude, mindfulness etc. And you have to give up bad mental habits like resenting somebody else’s success, believing that you have no control over your life etc.

We have a choice in every moment. We can choose to take the victim’s role and lose our power. Or we can choose to be the master of our own life, design our own life.

Imagine that your words, thoughts and deeds are like colours on your life canvas. What kind of colours do you want to see in your life painting? What kind picture do you want to create?

Inspired by Amy Morin’s TED talk and other great ideas:

Resilience

What do you practice every day?

Years ago with John Whittington, a great human being and expert in systemic coaching and constellations.

‘Belonging in systems creates loyalties and understanding loyalties is central to this way of working with coaching clients. The hidden loyalties in systems are often a source of resistance and, once brought into the light, the key to lasting resolutions and freedom’

‘To whom are you being loyal when you behave like that/react like that?’

‘To whom would you be disloyal if you chose to behave differently?’

‘Personal and professional growth and development require us to become ‘guilty‘ in relation to the various systems in which we have belonged.’

Excerpts from ‘Systemic Coaching and Constellations’ by John Whittington

I didn’t know back then that in 2021 we will be both talking about coaching at the coaching conference PÖÖRDEPUNKT.

My webinar ‘Practical tools to support oneself and others’ can be found here (in Estonian). We reflect on:

• body scan and emotions
• guilt and anger iceberg
• stress and productivity
• learned optimism
• PERMA model
• stress as a friend
• family minutes
• worry time
• etc

If you tend to worry too much and too often, try this. Deliberately set aside time each day to let yourself worry. For example, schedule 30 minutes each day for worrying. It means that for the other 23.5 hours in the day you try to let go of the worry until you get to your ‘worry time’. Give it a try 🙂

I’m glad I could contribute to the translation of ‘Guide to living with worry and anxiety amidst global uncertainty’.

The Estonian translation can be found here:

https://www.psychologytools.com/assets/covid-19/guide_to_living_with_worry_and_anxiety_amidst_global_uncertainty_ee.pdf?fbclid=IwAR0NMrnOP4QZb026V49z-w9h-W-KtCync2HD_EGHyV1TR2o5Den72NE5QKM

Other languages can be found here:

https://www.psychologytools.com/articles/free-guide-to-living-with-worry-and-anxiety-amidst-global-uncertainty/?fbclid=IwAR2O6PS4ezeMMiP9uwg8qaXIBaPWSw9FZMWj4kiRreZ6PgYFHfG9f7ZfPB8

Kelly McGonigal’s TED talk inspires to see stress as a friend, because the new science of stress reveals that when you choose to:

1) view stress response as helpful and

2) connect with others under stress,

you change your body’s response to stress and you can create resilience.

Viewing stress response as helpful

Pounding heart, fast breathing and sweating are psychical changes that are often interpreted as anxiety. What if you viewed them instead as signs that your body was preparing you to meet this challenge – your pounding heart is preparing your for action and breathing faster is just getting more oxygen infot your brain? According to a Harvard study, if you view your stress response as helpful, you will feel less anxious, less stressed out, more confident and your physical stress response will change as a result.

In a typical stress response, your heart rate goes up and your blood vessels constrict, which is not a healthy for a long period of time. However, in the study, when participants viewed their stress response as helpful, their blood vessels stayed relaxed. The heart is still pounding, but this is much healthier cardiovascular condition. Actually, this is exactly what happens also in moments of joy and courage. So, next time when your heart is pounding from stress, think to yourself that your body is your friend who is working hard to give strength and help you prepare for this challenge. As a result, your stress response will become healthier.

Connecting with others under stress

Oxytocin is as much a part of your stress response as the adrenalin that makes your heart pound. When oxytocin is released in the stress respond, it is motivating you to seek support. Your biological stress response is nudging you to tell someone how you feel. Your stress response also help you notice when somebody else is struggling, so that you can support each other. When life is difficult your stress response wants you to be surrounded by people ho care about you.

“To gain success a person will need high EQ; if you don’t want to lose quickly you will need a high IQ, and if you want to be respected you need high LQ – the IQ of love.”

Jack Ma

We opened Eesti Laul Grand Final 2020 with Victor Crone’s ‘Storm’. Singing and dancing at the same time was a great challenge and we did it!

Thank you Kadri Koppel, Anneli Pilpak and WAF choir for the great opportunity!

The Ring Theory is helpful for all kinds of crises: medical, legal, financial, romantic, even existential.

Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma (e.g. person A). Now draw a larger circle around the first one and in that circle put the name of the person next closest to the trauma (e.g. person A’s husband). Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching Order.

The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can complain and whine and say, “Life is unfair” and “Why me?” Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings. Comfort IN, dump OUT.

When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn’t, don’t say it. Don’t, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don’t need advice. They need comfort and support. Listening is often more helpful than talking. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/promoting-hope-preventing-suicide/201705/ring-theory-helps-us-bring-comfort-in

The average person will spend 90,000 hours at work over a lifetime, which is about one third of your life.

So it’s of utmost importance how we spend the time.

Either sufferening and complaining.

Or developing new relationships and facing difficulties with curiosity and the desire to learn and develop. To become a better person. To contribute to a better world.

Reference:

https://www.gettysburg.edu/news/stories?id=79db7b34-630c-4f49-ad32-4ab9ea48e72b&pageTitle=1%2F3+of+your+life+is+spent+at+work

This little boy has a simple and yet strong message. If you practice anger every day, you’ll become good at anger. If you practice complaining every day, you’ll become a great complainer who sees problems where laymen see none. If you practice gratitude every day, you be grateful for every person you meet and every challenge you face. What do you practice every day?