Posts in Eesmärgid

Syncronicity – meaningful coincidence

juuni 20th, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “Syncronicity – meaningful coincidence”

It’s not the first time when the Universe surprises me with a gift. An incident of syncronicity convinced me again that instead of planning everything in detail, we can just dream of a beautiful garden, prepare the soil and trust that the Universe, who knows more ways than us, helps us create one by sharing its endless resources with us.

After 2.5 year of study, a group of professional coaches and supervisors graduated from International Supervision and Coaching Institute (ISCI). I’m a partner and programme facilitator at ISCI and this year my students gave me a rhododendron as a present for graduation. I was speechless because just a few days before I had prepared the soil in my garden for a new rhododendron, which I had planned to buy. No one new about my plan. Except for the Universe 😉

It is syncronocity – a meaningful coincidense, as Carl Jung would call it?

Take responsibility for you well-being and happiness

mai 2nd, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “Take responsibility for you well-being and happiness”

I wrote a blog post for CV-Online about happiness (see below the English text).

In brief:

Only 10% of our long-term happiness depends on external world; 90% of our long-term happiness is how our brain processes the external world.

Optimism is crucial to the business outcomes. Optimistic sales people outsell their negative counterparts by 37%. Doctors in a positive state of mind perform diagnoses 19% faster and more accurate than doctors at neutral. Positive employees are 31% more productive than negative employees.

Thus, it’s important to take responsibility for your own optimism, happiness and well-being. Start with simple exercises that help to develop positivity. ‘Notice the positive’ is a simple exercise that can be practiced daily. More information on positive psychology can be found here.

The article in Estonian:

Ainult 10% meie pikaajalisest õnnest tööl sõltub välisest maailmast ehk sellest, mis meie ümber toimub. 90% pikaajalisest õnnest sõltub sellest, kuidas me maailma tajume ehk kuidas meie aju maailma töötleb. See tähendab, et olenemata asukohast võime ise suurendada oma õnne taset. 

Positiivsuse arendamine nõuab pingutust, sest meil on kalduvus märgata negatiivset. Samas tasub see pingutus end ära. Shawn Achor viitab uuringule, mille kohaselt oleme positiivsena 31% produktiivsemad kui negatiivses ja neutraalses seisundis. Optimistlik müügipersonal müüb 37% rohkem kui negatiivne müügimeeskond ja positiivses meeleseisundis arstid panevad diagnoose 19% kiiremini ja täpsemalt kui neutraalses seisundis arstid. 

Negatiivsed emotsioonid, nagu hirm, pettumus, häbi, usaldamatus jne väljenduvad sageli vihana ja tekitavad stressi. Stressiseisundis suureneb ajus kortisooli tase, mis pärsib tegevust nii eesajukoores kui hipokampuses. Pärsitud tegevus eesajukoores halvendab otsustamise ja tuleviku planeerimise võimet ning pärsitud tegevus hipokampuses nõrgendab lühiajalise mälu ja uute mälestuste talletamise võimet. Kõrge kortisooli tase vähendab lisaks serotoniini ehk õnnehormooni taset, mis omakorda suurendab agressiivset käitumist ja võib viia depressioonini. Seega, tasub oma heaolu ja õnne eest ohjad enda kätte haarata. 

Üks lihtne positiivsuse treenimise võimalus on positiivse märkamise harjutus, mille kirjelduse leiad siit. Paraku on nii, et igasuguste harjutuste tõeline kasu ilmneb nende pideval praktiseerimisel. Täpselt nagu hea füüsilise vormi hoidmine vajab regulaarset trenni, tuleb ka mentaalset tugevust ja positiivsust regulaarset praktiseerida, et selles vilumus saavutada. 

‘Notice the positive’ exercise

mai 2nd, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “‘Notice the positive’ exercise”

I wrote a short blog post for CV-Online about ‘Notice the positive’ exercise. The Estonian desciption can be found below.

In brief, the exercise is as follows:

Every day think about:

  1. three things that went well that day/last week
  2. why they went well

It’s important to reflect not only on the situations that went well but also on the reasons why went well, what was your own contribution to it etc. Acknowledging your own contribution is important because it helps you see how much depends on your own grit and courage to face a challenge and not give up.

It is an exercise that you can practice with alone, together with your family or together with your whole team at work.

For example, when I analyse one great event in my life – the opportunity to sing and dance at Eesti Laul Grand Final. However, was it pure luck? Why did I get the chance to perform at such a grand event? There were several steps that led to the challenging yet great situation:

  1. years ago I decided to follow my heart and started to take private singing classes;
  2. then I started to take part in WAF classes, where we learned singing in a small group;
  3. we had six evenings of intensive practice – singing and dancing – before the grand final on 29 February in Saku Suuhall.

It was hard work for me, yet very interesting experience, where I learned a lot, laugh a lot and made many new friends.

So it wasn’t all pure luck. It was also a lot of hard work that led to the enriching situation.

POSITIIVSE MÄRKAMISE HARJUTUS

Positiivse märkamise harjutust on lihtne praktiseerida individuaalselt, aga ka pere, oma juhi või meeskonnaga koos. 

Esita kaks küsimust:

– Mis on 3 asja, mis täna hästi läks / mis hästi on?

– Miks need asjad hästi läksid?

Heade asjade märkamine on oluline ning sama väärtuslik on uurida, mis edule õnnestumisele kaasa aitas. Uuri, millega sa ise asjade käiku mõjutasid. See aitab muuhulgas suurendada usku endasse. Usku, et maailmas on palju asju, mida me ise muuta või mõjutada saame.  See teadmine aitab astuda välja ohvrirollist, kus otsime pidevalt kinnitust uskumusele, et meist ei sõltu midagi, mis omakorda muudab meid jõuetuks. Kui mõnikord tunnemegi end jõuetuna ning ei suuda näha asju, mis päeva jooksul hästi läksid, otsi häid olukordi elust laiemalt (nt ‘Ma olen terve.’, ‘Mul on töö.’ jne ) või meenuta varasemaid õnnestumisi ja helgeid hetki. Oluline on enda vastu lahke olla ka nendel hetkedel, kui negatiivsus on pimestanud ja jõu röövinud.

Iseseisvalt on neid harjutusi tore praktiseerida õhtuti enne magama minekut. Positiivsust arendavad harjutused tekitavad hea ja rahuliku tunde ning on seetõttu abiks ka unetuse puhul.

Teine võimalus on teha harjutusi koos perega. Sel juhul saavad pereliikmed aidata üksteisel uurida põhjuseid, miks asjad hästi läksid. See liidab ning aitab kogu perel ühiselt positiivset mõtteviisi treenida.

Töö kontektsis saavad meeskonnaliikmed reflekteerida nende kahe küsimuse üle kogu meeskonnaga koos. Üks võimalus on, et igaüks jagab isiklikke õnnestumisi ja teine võimalus, et meeskond uurib meeskonna ühiseid õnnestumisi ning kaardistab nende soodustajad ühiselt. Lisaks positiivsuse mõtteviisi arendamisele meeskonnas aitab see tõsta meeskonnaliikmete enesekindlust, õpetada  märkama enda ja teiste panust ning sageli ka oma töö laiemat tähendust, mis aitab tõsta meeskonna motivatsiooni.

Virtual class at Salme Põhikool

mai 2nd, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “Virtual class at Salme Põhikool”

This week I delivered a virtual class to students of Salme Põhikool (middle school) in Saaremaa. It was part of the initiative Back to School (Tagasi Kooli), which aims to teach students life skills such as communication, entrepreneurship, health, digital skills etc.

I delivered a class to 5th grade students. We focused on positive psychology and mainly on the following topics:

  1. appreciation – how to appreciate and believe in oneself more (be kind to oneself and believe in oneself);
  2. character strenghts – what each student is good at, what are his/her special skills and qualities;
  3. noticing the positive – as we tend to notice negative things more often than positive things, we played a game of positive emotions which I will describe below.

Noticing positive emotions

I had prepared a wheel of positive emotions for the students. Each student could spin the wheel and then share with others when and where (s)he had felt the positive emotion during the past week.

You can easily create your own wheel here.

How to become mentally strong

aprill 25th, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “How to become mentally strong”

If you want to become physically strong, you go to the gym and lift weights. But you also have to give up bad habits like eating junk food.

Mental strength is the same. If you want to be mentally strong, you need to practice gratitude, mindfulness etc. And you have to give up bad mental habits like resenting somebody else’s success, believing that you have no control over your life etc.

We have a choice in every moment. We can choose to take the victim’s role and lose our power. Or we can choose to be the master of our own life, design our own life.

Imagine that your words, thoughts and deeds are like colours on your life canvas. What kind of colours do you want to see in your life painting? What kind picture do you want to create?

Inspired by Amy Morin’s TED talk and other great ideas:

Resilience

What do you practice every day?

Systemic coaching and constellations

aprill 25th, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “Systemic coaching and constellations”

Years ago with John Whittington, a great human being and expert in systemic coaching and constellations.

‘Belonging in systems creates loyalties and understanding loyalties is central to this way of working with coaching clients. The hidden loyalties in systems are often a source of resistance and, once brought into the light, the key to lasting resolutions and freedom’

‘To whom are you being loyal when you behave like that/react like that?’

‘To whom would you be disloyal if you chose to behave differently?’

‘Personal and professional growth and development require us to become ‘guilty‘ in relation to the various systems in which we have belonged.’

Excerpts from ‘Systemic Coaching and Constellations’ by John Whittington

Resilience, supporting oneself and others

aprill 17th, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “Resilience, supporting oneself and others”

My webinar ‘Practical tools to support oneself and others’ can be found here (in Estonian). We reflect on:

  • body scan and emotions
  • guilt and anger iceberg
  • stress and productivity
  • learned optimism
  • PERMA model
  • stress as a friend
  • family minutes
  • worry time
  • etc

Guide to living with worry and anxiety

aprill 8th, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “Guide to living with worry and anxiety”

If you tend to worry too much and too often, try this. Deliberately set aside time each day to let yourself worry. For example, schedule 30 minutes each day for worrying. It means that for the other 23.5 hours in the day you try to let go of the worry until you get to your ‘worry time’. Give it a try 🙂

I’m glad I could contribute to the translation of ‘Guide to living with worry and anxiety amidst global uncertainty’.

The Estonian translation can be found here:

https://www.psychologytools.com/assets/covid-19/guide_to_living_with_worry_and_anxiety_amidst_global_uncertainty_ee.pdf?fbclid=IwAR0NMrnOP4QZb026V49z-w9h-W-KtCync2HD_EGHyV1TR2o5Den72NE5QKM

Other languages can be found here:

https://www.psychologytools.com/articles/free-guide-to-living-with-worry-and-anxiety-amidst-global-uncertainty/?fbclid=IwAR2O6PS4ezeMMiP9uwg8qaXIBaPWSw9FZMWj4kiRreZ6PgYFHfG9f7ZfPB8

How to make stress your friend?

aprill 4th, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “How to make stress your friend?”

Kelly McGonigal’s TED talk inspires to see stress as a friend, because the new science of stress reveals that when you choose to:

1) view stress response as helpful and

2) connect with others under stress,

you change your body’s response to stress and you can create resilience.

Viewing stress response as helpful

Pounding heart, fast breathing and sweating are psychical changes that are often interpreted as anxiety. What if you viewed them instead as signs that your body was preparing you to meet this challenge – your pounding heart is preparing your for action and breathing faster is just getting more oxygen infot your brain? According to a Harvard study, if you view your stress response as helpful, you will feel less anxious, less stressed out, more confident and your physical stress response will change as a result.

In a typical stress response, your heart rate goes up and your blood vessels constrict, which is not a healthy for a long period of time. However, in the study, when participants viewed their stress response as helpful, their blood vessels stayed relaxed. The heart is still pounding, but this is much healthier cardiovascular condition. Actually, this is exactly what happens also in moments of joy and courage. So, next time when your heart is pounding from stress, think to yourself that your body is your friend who is working hard to give strength and help you prepare for this challenge. As a result, your stress response will become healthier.

Connecting with others under stress

Oxytocin is as much a part of your stress response as the adrenalin that makes your heart pound. When oxytocin is released in the stress respond, it is motivating you to seek support. Your biological stress response is nudging you to tell someone how you feel. Your stress response also help you notice when somebody else is struggling, so that you can support each other. When life is difficult your stress response wants you to be surrounded by people ho care about you.

The IQ of Love

aprill 4th, 2020 Posted by Eesmärgid 0 thoughts on “The IQ of Love”

“To gain success a person will need high EQ; if you don’t want to lose quickly you will need a high IQ, and if you want to be respected you need high LQ – the IQ of love.”

Jack Ma

Superviisor, coach ja koolitaja. International Supervision and Coaching Institute’i asutajaliige ja õppejõud. Viib läbi juhtide coaching’ut, meeskondade arendustegevusi ning coaching’u ja mentorluse arenguprogramme.

Ettevõte

Õnnesepad OÜ

Mustamäe tee 22, Tallinn

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