At Nordic Business Forum 2023 I asked Tim Ferris, American entrepreneur, investor, author and podcaster, to share some piece of advice with my children. That’s what he said.
Jaan Tootsen can create a safe space for reflection and self-discovery. All our ISCI members had an opportunity to have a chat Jaan.
We spoke in our heart-warming chat with Jaan Tootsen about:
The course gave me fresh perspectives on the science of well-being. I enjoyed the studies on how our brain works and on happiness. It helped me make another step towards a more satisfying and happy life. I’m more than happy to share my knowledge and discoveries with my clients in my training programmes, but also in supervision, coaching and mentoring if necessary.
One story that I shared at Coaching Conference 2021 was as follows:
One of my coaching clients once said ‘I’m playing chess’.
I asked ‘Who are you playing chess against?’
He responded ‘Against the Universe. Every challenge is a new game’
I find it an interesting idea. The Universe is not against players, but challenges us to learn. Every challenge teaches us something. The Universe himself is also constantly leaning. The difference is that the Universe is playing with ca 7,9 billion human beings at a time. It means the Universe is much more experienced and is learning much faster than any other player. No single human being can be as smart as the Universe but the Universe is a great sparring partner to everybody. It’s worth listening to the Universe and learn from it how to better cope in this world.
How is it all connected to coaching and supervision?
In coaching, a player and coach are partners in playing against the Universe. Then occasionally the coach goes to supervision to reflect together with a supervisor how to be a better partner to the player. In supervision the coach may discover what hidden dynamics is in play between the coach and the player, e.g. some power games, transference and counter-transference, some loyalties etc. Becoming aware of the dynamics in supervision will bring about a change also in coaching and in the game of chess that the player is playing.
That is one way of looking at supervision and coaching.
Danny Kahneman and Angus Deaton polled 450,000 Americans (2008-2009) and measured two kinds of happiness:
They found that:
1) EWB increases with your income but starts to level off after $75,000.
“Perhaps $75,000 is a threshold beyond which further increases in income no longer improve individuals’ ability to do what matters most to their emotional well-being, such as spending time with people they like, avoiding pain and disease, and enjoying leisure,” the authors write.
2) “Life evaluation” column continues to to grow with salary
They asked to evaluate participants their life on a ladder numbered from 0 to 10 and the bottom is the worst possible life and the top is the best. Those with a higher income reported higher life satisfaction than those with a lower income.
So there is a mismatch between how we’re evaluating our real life and how we’re actually feeling.
“Giving people more income beyond $75000 is not going to do much for their daily mood … but it is going to make them feel they have a better life,” Professor Deaton said in an interview.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/dandiamond/2015/10/12/angus-deaton-who-just-won-nobel-prize-thinks-a-75000-salary-makes-you-perfectly-happy/?sh=5671295b7775
https://www.pnas.org/content/107/38/16489
I believe the same is true about any role we have in life – as a parent, spouse, friend, colleague, leader etc. When we are not in tune or ‘in good order’, we can easily get trapped in conflicts, fights, competition, gossip, power games and other dynamics that prevent us from playing music well. When we are ‘in tune’, our music can empower, inspire to dance and support listeners in times of difficulty or invite them to just enjoy the flow of music together with us.
To be in tune, we should regularly take a break from our everyday activities. One possibility for individuals and teams to take a break is to go to supervision or coaching, where they can slow down to take care of themselves and find ways to play their music in a way that would have a meaningful impact on listeners. Here’s a short blog post about Japanese ‘Ma’ meaning ‘pause’, ‘gap’, ‘space’.
People working with other people – coaches, teachers, psychologists, leaders etc – not only could but are obliged to take good care of themselves, because their music can have a strong influence on many people’s lives. That’s why they should regularly attend supervision. I spoke about supervision at Coaching Conference 2021. You can read about my presentation here.
The quote in Estonian:
‘Helilooja on üks instrument. Ja et see pill kõlaks, peab see korras olema. Sellest tuleb alustada, mitte muusikast. Muusika abil võib ta nagu kontrollida, kas tema kui instrument on hääles. Ja mis hääles. U-duur on ka hääl.’ Arvo Pärt
Tartu Ülikooli loengusarjas „Sõna ja muusika: seminarid Arvo Pärdi loomingust” 2014
https://www.uttv.ee/naita?id=18896